


The 2009 Trilogy

by Believe_In_A_Smiling_God



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, One-Shot, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad, but not really, im sorry, multiple oneshots, or hate me, trigger warning: suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9898868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Believe_In_A_Smiling_God/pseuds/Believe_In_A_Smiling_God
Summary: Dan reminiscences on the past after a terrible accident.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2015 and since I'm starting to write on AO3 I thought I should post it on here :) 
> 
> This is taken off my wattpad  
> follow me: noodlepledge
> 
> Written in October 2015

Do you remember the time we first met at the train station?

I remember I was nervous. As the train slowed to a stop, my world began spinning. I was meeting the person I had fangirl'd over for years. The train doors opened and I remember that I couldn't see any familiar faces, or a familiar face, in this case. I was scared at that point.  
What if he was trolling me and never actually wanted to meet me? I thought to myself. I could feel the tears coming on. Suddenly, I heard the most beautiful voice I could ever imagine.  
"Dan?" I slowly turned at the sound of your questioning tone, gasping. There you stood, your black hair streaming across your forehead in the same dark fringe. I remember you were wearing a blue hoodie and black skinny jeans.  
"Phil," I breathed out in relief. 

Do you remember the time when you said you loved me in the snow?

It was winter. Snow was on the ground and you and I, the best of friends, were outside enjoying it.  
My hair was slightly curled at the ends, damp with fallen snow. Your hair was wavy, as well. We both were wearing winter coats.  
Sneakily reaching behind my back, you squished a ball of snow atop my head. I gasped, shivering and yelping, "Phil!"  
You had gotten up and started to walk away, while I was throwing more snowballs in your direction.  
"I hate you!" I laughed as my fingers grew numb, digging identical dents into the spheres of snow.  
We had now engaged in a full on snowball fight while your parents watched from the window. They laughed at our childish actions.  
Remember how you had suddenly tackled me into a pile of cold snow? It had started snowing and you helped me up, desensitised fingers tight around mine. 

I was then transfixed on your blue eyes, while you were transfixed on my warm brown ones.  
"I love you, Dan," You had whispered. I was shocked at the words just spoken. My eyes widened as I grew speechless. 

Do you remember the time when I kissed you on the Manchester Eye?

It was our time to get on the Eye. We were the last people in line, so we would be going on a carriage alone together.  
I smiled and laughed as we started to ascend into the air, the city of Manchester getting smaller and smaller. Soon, the beautiful lights were the only thing we could see.  
It was dark out, as nightfall had arrived while we were waiting for our turn. We hadn't minded.  
I glanced at you, and I remember your eyes were on me. Just staring. Suddenly, the carriage jerked to a stop at the top of the Eye.  
The lights of the city glowed yellow on our cheeks as I stared into your eyes and began to lean in, closing the gap between us. Remember how your arms had almost instantaneously wrapped around my waist? Remember how my hands tangled in your hair?  
The carriage began to move again and we pulled away from each other's mouths, lips swollen. Your face was red and I'm pretty sure mine was, as well.  
"I love you, too." We exited the ride holding hands.

Do you remember the time back in 2009?

The flat was dark. Dan had just gotten home from hanging out with Louise. He shivered as he started into the darkness of the living room. Quickly, Dan flipped the switch, light periodically filling the once black room. Dan slowly shuffled up the many staircases of their flat. Their flat. Even after three years of living together, Dan still failed to believe that it belonged to both of them. He smiled. After walking throughout their flat, Dan knocked on the bedroom door.  
"Phil?" Dan whispered, opening the door, "Are you awake?" Dan didn't receive a reply. He shrugged, entering the bathroom. He was planning on showering.  
He pushed the door open, freezing.  
Red liquid filled the cracks in the tile. Blood. Dan's heartbeat sped up. His breath caught in his throat as he pushed the door open some more.  
A hand. It was pale. The hand's wrist had deep gashes torn into the beautiful porcelain skin, streaks of blood shining in the overhead light between each finger. Dan's eyes filled with tears.  
Dan slammed the door open.  
"Phil!" He screamed, dropping to his knees as sobs filled his chest. He held Phil's lifeless body in his arms, as another, "Phil!" Escaped his twitching lips.  
I remember back in 2009, Phil. The time before everything happened. 2009 was the best year of my life, but I guess you can't remember anymore. I miss you, Phil. 

"Phil."

"I love you."

"I love you, as well."

"I miss you, Phil."


	2. Dear Dan ~ The Sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, confusing.  
> Dan is reading the letter  
> Phil is in the time before he died  
> :) hope this clears things 
> 
> On wattpad it's easier to read because I know how to bold things and italicize them
> 
> Written in October 2015

It had been five months. Dan had been moving out all his stuff from the flat. He unknowingly packed some of Phil's possessions in a couple boxes.

Dan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. It was mid afternoon and he had to be out of the flat in two hours. After Phil died, Dan stopped Youtube. What was the point of doing something if your idol, the one who inspired you to do it, wasn't there?

Finally, Dan packed the last box and shoved it on the moving truck. He couldn't afford a flat at the moment, so he was moving back in with his parents.

As Dan packed away the last box into the moving truck, another box toppled over and crashed to the ground. It hit the pavement with a loud bang and the contents inside of the box came out. 

The first thing Dan saw in the box was a purple Grengar t-shirt that Phil loved. He smiled faintly and put the shirt back in the box. Then he picked up papers. Just some wrinkly old papers that Dan should have thrown away. He shoved them back in the brown cardboard box. Just then, one of the papers caught Dan's eye.

Dear Dan,

Dan's eyes scanned the paper. He didn't know where this paper came from. He had never seen it before in his life. The paper had sploches of brown were on it. The edges were curled and crumpled. It had to be an old piece of paper.

Dan packed the rest of the box up so no one would come and try to steal anything from inside of it. After Dan packed the box again, he went to read the paper.

I don't actually know how to put this, so I'll do my best.

Phil's hands shook. His eyes were filled with tears as he looked down at the picture of Dan of his phone. He looked over Dan's light tan skin, his hazel brown eyes. Phil closed his eyes and tears ran down his cheeks.

Phil's eyes opened and he looked down the piece of paper in front of him. He didn't know what to write.

I just wanted to start off with, I love you.

You probably want an explaination. I've been this way for awhile. I tried my best to be happy. It's just the world was getting darker. I was slowly not seeing colors anymore. The bright yellows have turned into a light shade of grey. I just can't stand it anymore.

Dan shut his eyes and put a hand over his mouth. Tears went down his face and a sob escaped his lips.

Phil put down the pen. He rubbed his face with his hands. He could feel the tears on his face.His mind went blank. What was he supposed to write? An idea came to mind and he picked up the pen again.

Do you remember the time when we met at the train station? I was really nervous. I mean, I couldn't wait to meet you. I was really excited to meet you.

Thousands of thoughts were running through my head. I thought: What if you stood me up. What if you never showed? I could pick up the wrong person and take them home with me. I was freaked out.

Then I saw you. My world slowed down. I know, cliche right? I walked over and we started talking and I was straightening my jacket. I smiled.

Dan laughed at the memory. His tears ran down his light tan hand. He smiled and sobbed hard even harder.

Do you remember the time I told you I love you? You never answered me. You just walked inside. At first, I thought you didn't hear me. I cried that night. I told you I love you and I didn't know if you liked me back.

Phil stopped. He smiled back at the memory, but was soon reminded of what he was doing. His tears came faster. His vision darkened for a second. The razor was lying on the sink.

Do you remember the time you kissed me on the Manchester Eye? I also cried that night. Tears of joy. I was so happy. You like me back, and we started dating. My parents approved and so did yours.

Dan ran a hand through his hair. He ruffled it and he cried.

The reason I brought these up, these beautiful memories, is because, I was trying to distract you from the horrible truth. I am dead. I am gone. To a place that I don't even know.

So, I love you, Daniel Howell.

Phil.

Phil put down the pen and grabbed the razor, and soon the deed was done. Philip Micheal Lester was no more.

Dan folded the paper neatly and placed it in his pocket. "I love you, Phil."


	3. 2012 ~ A Prequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, last one. :)  
> Just wanna say that for this one I might go back and add more to it
> 
> Written in March 2016

The slamming of a door reverberated throughout the flat. Soon, silence followed. It's been like this for weeks now. Two best friends were slowly losing each other. One would say just the finest remark, the other, would snap.  
A yell rang throughout, breaking the deafening silence.  
"I can't take this anymore!" One yelled through the closed door. The wood cracked a bit from the force of the slam.  
"Why don't you just leave then?" Phil retorted back to Dan. He was getting tired of fighting all the time.  
"That's exactly what you want me to do, huh?" Dan's door flew open and he glared at the black silhouette standing in his doorway.  
Phil shook his head. "You don't get it, Dan." He whispered, feeling defeated.  
"No, Phil." Dan huffed. "I don't."  
Always fighting. That's what had come down to. Dan took a deep breath and sighed.  
Phil stood there, Dan couldn't see the tears in his eyes as he slowly was giving in the voice in his head.  
A ring went through the apartment, Dan's hand reached his phone and looked down to see Louise had texted him. Asking to hangout.  
"Who's that?" Phil asked. "Your new boyfriend?"  
Dan's head snapped up. "Excuse me?" He yelled. "You know what? I wish I never meet you, Phil Lester."  
Phil physically flinched, stumbling back. Dan realising what he said, gasped.  
"I didn't mean that, Phil! I'm so sorry!" Dan went to hug Phil, but Phil flinched away.  
"Leave me alone."  
"Okay," Dan whispered. "I'm so sorry."  
Phil didn't answer.  
"It was Louise. She wants to hangout with me, so, I'm going to leave, Phil." Dan sighed again, this time turning around and putting his shoes on. "Louise wants to hangout. Just, I'm sorry, Phil. I love you." He said as he walked out the door.  
Phil never replied. He just walked into the bathroom.


End file.
